I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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