my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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