Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
