I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
