The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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