3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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