new low.... made out with someone while peeing
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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