You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
