Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
