I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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