I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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