This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
