to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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