Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
