No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
