1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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