Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
