Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
