He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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