i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
