Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
