her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
