I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This baby is an asshole
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
