my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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