I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
