She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
