Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
