Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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