Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
