Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
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Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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