As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
