I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
