she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
