My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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