Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize