if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
