I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
