i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize