Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
