i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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