I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
