i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
