I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
