So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
