the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
