do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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