problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
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you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
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Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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