If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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