how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
