Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
