I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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