drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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