Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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