all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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