if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
