Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
