Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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