I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
