wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
