Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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