Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
