Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
