I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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