youre lurking in front of me
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
