I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
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I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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