i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
