I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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