Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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