I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
