if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
