You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
