Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
