and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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