I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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