Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
