Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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