ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
