Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
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He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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