i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
