i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
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Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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