Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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