If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
