I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
